Death Bound


I think I’m dying…

Not literally, of course.

But it’s as if there is this part of me –hidden maybe –however miniscule, that is dead…frozen…coffined…

I don’t know…

There is this unendurable pain crippling down my spine… reaching…connecting…gliding over…

I’m a prisoner in my own carcass…


I really do feel dead.

It is sad the way it is.

The hollow emptiness dexterously delineated in my soul.

It is suffocating at times.


I need my escape.

Even if for an hour.

Just completely shut the world down… just stay far…FAR away from all its complexities…the favourable lies…the hypocrisy…the masked truths…

Just away from this heaviness…this weight tugging at my heart…which has been pulling me down for quite some time…

I can’t find the firm ground I once stood upon…


Art was supposed to relieve me…but it hasn’t… It doesn’t anymore…the impeccable glee I once felt at having my hands covered in paint or blots of ink for that matter…is gone..POOF!!… And it’s gone…vanished into thin air…




I need a way out.

Underachieving…always an underachiever…ALWAYS… it gets to you at times… What a waste of a life…!


I really do feel dead sometimes…

But it grows on you…

With time.


I saw this girl in a dream of mine…long kohl eyed…with the dance in her steps…the murmur of cascade in her laughter…and happiness… Happiness oozing out from every curve of her being..

I haven’t seen her for quite a while…

I miss her.

I wish I felt more Alive.


It’s just I feel Dead most of the time…

Time and Beauty

Time is on a holiday
on the beach.. ah peace..
a few birds.. here and there..
the tales slowly cease..

The Master of the Mastermind
Oh hello, Glory-head !
the chimes of time.. a bell.. a clock..
Beauty – airbrushed again..

Do I know you? ” the words of Time..
to the maiden caged in sleep..
Unholy soul lingering about
blue safely keep..

Pretty stones for the pretty lady
a gift for the shy smile
a knowing smell.. and mystery more..
everlasting dreams divine..

Battered.. shattered.. a twit in pain..
Pain.. in drops and stones
twirling down the mountainside
a broken mind.. and tattered dead bones

The sky in a slightly tawny shade
The gloaming gloating with glee
Beauty kept under wraps
in her dark world.. another long sleep..

Time.. O sweet nasty Time?
But Time is gone.. and somehow lost..
The raging waves.. all meaningless..
for Time is truly lost.



Teacup and coffee

and beans strewn all around

a chocolate brown maze

paths not meant to be found…


Scribbles in white sheets

the forest made green and dense

i sit here under the moonshine

admiring its brilliance…


Scissors and gum bottles

different yet still the same

joining cutting rebuilding a world

a world in just a game..


The leaves have lost its glory

the dark shapes recasting the silver line

a world full of misery and hate

i seek refuge in heart thine…


Pale, cold, turning frosty pink

eyes not responding to be read

heart in a state of stinging pain

mind in conflict and vexed..


Assurance is what i need

kind words whispered into my ear

waiting for the first kiss of morning

tings a bell- far away..distant..or near…


Skipping in the harsh drizzle

as time eats away time

life is a maze- ought to be not

ridiculous smiles-caught in love’s crime…


Mellow dark leading to dawn

striking notes of clumsy melody

escaping the minds eye and all

peeping into a soul stung by another love bee.

Old. Old. Old. And Gone.

Okay. So this is like a really really old diary entry. Wayyyyyyy back in 2012.

( I really need to overcome this Writer’s Block. 😐

*super sad face* )


Today is Valentine’s Day. A happy day for most. Meaningless for the happy singles..and a bit sad and awkward for the few heartbroken ones like me.. It is mostly know..should I wish him? or should I not? I mean we are friends.. but what kind of friends exactly? I call him my best friend.. but then why am I in the weird zone???

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! confusion! confusion!

Nahhh won’t think about it.. I won’t simply think about it..! Problem solved!

But then what exactly was the problem??

GOD! My mind is killing me! It’s weird the way my heart thinks about this and that all day.. Useless Jobless lil thing..!

I mean.. basically.. I spent like two hours looking at his pictures on his profile in Facebook.. ( this what it has all come down too..? INSANE! The gloom of doom..! )

*sigh! *sigh!

He does look pretty cute.. His hair has curled up a bit more than it was the last time i saw him..  His smile is dazzling as ever..and yes.. He is my charming… and i hope he wil be too after this rough phase is over..

BUNK my life.. n my never ending sad story.. I mean look around you..

There’s plenty of red roses..and balloons..and kisses..and people madly in love.. but who is going to spare a lil bit of thought to the minor group of not-so-loved people? basically no one.. either you can complain.. or cry your heart out thinking it is the end of the world.. and that you will surely die alone.. but hey! who cares a crap about this day anyway? seriously? just one day for love?

THAT is not fair..

But then, I think I’m losing my way to what I wanted to talk about.. if you love someone who loves you more than life.. then you are one of those lucky ones.. and I’m truly happy for you.. but if you are not so fortunate.. then don’t break down.. there is more meaning to life than this..  So, for now,  be  your own valentine.. love yourself a lil more..have chocolates and cakes and do whatever your heart, mind and soul wishes for without a care.. One day even we’ll have someone to share this day with.. someone who will look for us..saying..

I will find out where she has gone,
And kiss her lips and take her hands.
And pluck till time and times are done
The silver apples of the moon,
The golden apples of the sun.
– William Butler Yeats


Even my fishes are having plenty of good time..messing around.. and me? I’m here..glued to my laptop..waiting for my cup of evening tea.. this is how I’m spending my Valentine’s Day.. looking back, last year..same day..same time.. life could not have been happier and more perfect.. but right now, this is my life.. THIS is my reality..

A truly awkward and confused article from the heartbroken to the heartbroken.. YES! I understand how you are feeling.. but if no one, here’s me wishing you..


If music be the food of love, play on.
– William Shakespeare